And she's pressed against your chest. You haven't even had a chance to get a good look at her. But it doesn't matter. She's yours. You can feel it with every atom of your being. She's yours, and you're hers. And nothing else matters.
MY BIRTH STORY
3 years ago, the greatest blessing we could have ever asked for came into our life and our world. Little Ella Joy was born! We knew she was coming 2 years prior to her arrival. She came to me in a meditation, when my partner Tom and I thought we were pregnant. I wasn't pregnant yet, but she spoke to me. I heard this name repeating in my mind over and over again, "Ella, Ella, Ella, Ella". It was so loud and clear that I had to google its meaning. I realized that the name Ella means "a gift from heaven". Since this moment in 2013 onward, she has been part of Tom and I's mind and life. Because of this, we were not overly surprised when she decided to officially come to this world in 2015.
Our whole pregnancy was unusual, because we conceived while we were traveling in California. When Tom and I were brought together in 2010 we literally gave our lives to God. We asked to go wherever he would have us be and we traveled together for most of those years together on the wings of the divine. We were not willing to take back our life into our own hands when we got pregnant, so we continued to trust God, trust each other, and knew we would be carried exactly where we needed to be as we always had been. When we realized we were pregnant, we decided to stay in California for another 6 months. Mostly because I made this video "Total Commitment" and our prayers were answered through it. Both Tom and I were grateful that we stayed, because those 6 months were wholly joyous and miraculous between us and the family we stayed with. I share our story and my experience of this adventure in another video called "How to Make Decisions".
When I had 4 months left in my pregnancy we received the prompt to finally go back to our hometown of Toronto Canada.
What I learned most from this experience is to: TRUST myself, my partner, my baby and God above and beyond what fear the doctors might have, or fear my own ego might chirp. I did everything I could in nutrition, in mind, in education and in prayer to know my baby was safe and healthy. All tests showed she was healthy (just small) and so I had to keep the vision of a natural birth as what I wanted, and what was natural. I am grateful I stuck to my goal of a natural birth.... because everything unfolded in the most perfect way.
The Day of Birth:
I was all smiles and meditative control for the first 4 hours of contractions. I feel my mind training had a HUGE effect on my ability to ride those waves and let my body do what it needed to do without me interfering. Anytime the contraction would arrive I would close my eyes, focus on my breath and turn inward. I knew it wouldn't last forever, so I was focused on riding it and staying calm.
It wasn’t until I got to the hospital when my contractions were 1 minute on and 4 minutes off, that they intensified a million percent. I was still all smiles as we entered the hospital and all the nurses made comments that they never see Mamas smile at this point. I was so excited to welcome our baby girl and that I did in fact go into labor on my own!!! ha!
We settled into our quiet and private birthing room and I let the contraction roar on. I was truly truly grateful to have had my amazing partner Tom beside me, my sister Chelsie beside him, and my Mom and Doula on my other side. I was surrounded by intense love and support for me, our baby and this Natural Birth. We had the option to have a water birth and the water was filling as I continued to dilate and reach the 6 hour mark of intense contractions.
There was one moment that shifted the experience for me from being almost overly consumed by intensity and contractions, pain and fear… to a calm power and strength within me. It was near the end of my 6 hours when I turned to my doula and said I don't think I can do this anymore. She proceeded to tell me that that must mean the end is near. She said these words that I feel gave me a direction for where I needed to place my mind to have Ella come naturally, she said: “ Instead of resisting the wave when it comes and wanting it to end, welcome it!! Call her down, Bring Ella to earth through you. The more painful it is Now, the Faster your angel will be here. You’ve got this Britney”. A few more contractions happened that were more painful then I even have the words to describe. I was on the bed, grabbing hold of the side bar and rocking and screaming back and forth, back and forth and let the growls of life force roll through me. I then felt the need to push. I told my midwife and she said no way I just checked you. I told her to check again and I was right (mamma's intuition again) I was 10cm and baby was ready to come.
There were about 5 more pushes after she said that I was fully dilated, and the final ones were actually seemingly easier because she was in the birth canal and also because I knew the end was near!!!! I rocked and screamed, focused my whole mind on this One task and called Ella down and pushed my little heart out. At first I pushed wrong and shallow, I literally had to learn how to push to help her through my canal. My main pediatrician came in at this point, all smiles which was lovely, and we were ready to go. I gave it one last push, and at 6pm on June 13 2015 a beautiful, tiny, perfect baby girl flew (and I mean flew) into this world. I whipped off my shirt and she was placed on my bare chest with the warmth of love surrounding her from all sides.
Within a minute or so, Ella latched perfectly and naturally onto my breast and we settled into the wow of the moment. It was magical. It was euphoric. It was sacred. It was the greatest feeling I could ever feel. This is truly a miracle of life.
I am truly in awe of what woman are capable of… and to be able to let life brew and come on through is so holy I can't even begin to express it in word. I am so grateful for this experience, and for learning that trusting one's body and heart and soul and God to have a Natural birth, is what can and will happen when we let fear not enter. I was even told Ella had one of the lowest numbers for jaundice they have ever seen, meaning she was filled with all the nutrients her little body needed to be healthy and grow strong. We got to spend the night in the hospital and Tom and I got to enjoy our sweet little miracle alone together in our sacred sleeping room.
I am thankful to my whole family and my doula for being my strength when I wavered, my vision when I lost it, and my compassionate heart when I needed it. I am so filled with love and tears right now in remembering this day…… and so so very thankful for this little bean in our life. Thank You Ella. We love you sweet angel. Happy Birthday. #NaturalBirth #TBT #Midwives #sacred #Family #BabyGirl #3YearsOldToday #Remembering #Gratitude #PowerToMamasEverywhere #LittleBean